The People Whom I Block On Facebook

I was recently going through my privacy settings on Facebook, and I looked through the list of people whom I’ve blocked over time.  It’s a pretty small list, but as I looked through it, I realized a pattern.  With the exception of one, they are all people who would probably never add me (for reasons you’ll see), but I blocked them simply because I wanted them to have no opportunity to view anything about me.

Take a look through the list and see if you can spot the pattern.  If not, well, I’ll make it easy as it will be at the bottom of the post.

  • My childhood babysitter – Until I was ten, my dad raised me alone.  Since he worked, I needed someone to watch me before and after school, and through summer breaks and what not.  Somehow, he found a lady who watched a few kids.  We were all around the same age group.  Looking back now, I realize that I wasn’t the best behaved kid.  I admit that I was a bit disruptive, but I wasn’t destructive.  Still, I was surprised when somewhere through the third grade school year, she told my dad that she didn’t want to watch me anymore.  She started thinking about winding down her babysitting service, and I was the first one she ‘cut’ as she started to reduce the number of kids she watched.  I don’t have any fond memories of time spent with ‘Marge’ before this, but it’s always stuck in my head that she cut me loose.  A couple of years ago, she actually found me and sent me a friend request.  I sat on it for a few weeks before deciding that, no, I was not going to accept the request.
  • Two bullies – In junior high and high school, I never ran with the popular crowd.  As a result, there were times when I was bullied.  One kid, in junior high, went so far as to egg my house, something that completely embarrased me as my parents were the ones that ultimately had to clean it up.  In high school, I caught the attention of the ‘star lacrosse’ player, who already was adored because of his ‘star’ status, but it wasn’t enough, so he picked on various kids, including me.  While some other kids followed suit with both of the bullies, none kept it up as long or went to the degrees that these two did.  As soon as I saw them on my ‘You might know…’ list, they went right to being blocked.
  • The frat guy – When I was in college, many people rushed a fraternity during the second semester of their freshman year.  I was on the fence, so I passed, but decided I wanted to rush in the first semester of my sophomore year.  I knew a lot of the guys in the fraternity I wanted to rush, and was good friends with many. It seemed a good fit, so I applied to rush.  The way it worked is that if you got ‘a bid’ they’d come by your dorm room and officially give you the invitation to go through the pledge process.  The day of the invites come and went and I never got one.  I was pretty devastated, but the code of the fraternity made it so that I could never really find out what had happened…and I didn’t for a few years.  Eventually one of my best friends admitted that there was a guy that had recommended I not receive a bid, and if one person felt that strongly, the house generally went with that recommendation.  It was someone I never interacted with regularly, and to this day, I have no idea why I ran afoul of him.    Again, he showed up as someone I might know and immediately went on my list.
  • An ex-boss – Last year, I went through the story of my worst job ever (parts one two three) where I outlined the story of the one job I’ve had where I didn’t excel.  Not only did I not excel, I fell flat on my face.  While I take responsibility for many parts, the fact is that I had a very unsupportive boss who did not believe in me, did not work to improve my performance, and took no responsibility for any of the issues.  The job rattled me and made me question everything about myself as a worker, though luckily my next (and current) position has been a job where I’ve been given the opportunity to succeed, and have taken advantage of it.

So, now that you’ve read through these, do you know why I blocked all of these people?

Hint, it’s because they all tried to take something away from me.

What was it?  Have you guessed yet?

Here’s what it is that they tried to take:

My Confidence

Each of these individuals attempted to compromise my self-confidence.  That’s apparently something that I cannot compromise.

And, really, neither should anybody.

On the flip side of all this, a couple of years ago I came across the fact that my third grade teacher was on Facebook.  I was in third grade the same time as the ‘babysitter’ item above, so it’s all the more important that I had someone that believed in me, and Mr. H did.  He was an awesome teacher, and he believed in me and every one of his students. The number of former students that have found him and shared pictures and stories are in the hundreds, but every one ties back to how Mr. H believed in them.  He helped build their confidence.

He’s retired and nearly 80 years old now, but he still comments on statuses and pictures and he still makes each person believe that they’re special.

He’s an amazing man and I’ll never forget him.

All because he helped me believe in myself, all while there were others out there who, even if they weren’t actively doing it, were attempting to take my confidence away.  I value my confidence too much to let that be compromised, and after seeing the pattern in Facebook, I realize just how important that is to me.

Readers, if you have a Facebook account and have blocked people, does your blocked list say anything about what you value?

24 thoughts on “The People Whom I Block On Facebook”

    • While that may be theoretically true, in real life it is extremely hard. Esp. if you have some kind of disability that the bullies pick on. You are already beating yourself (again, not theoretically right but practically you do) and feeling self pity. It is almost impossible to gain any confidence when you are being bullied about it. When you are a grown up, have seen and experienced life then yes, what you say might happen.

  1. I find it very interesting how personal people take it when you even de-friend them on facebook. I had decided at one point that I wanted to pare down who I was facebook friends with as I commonly post things going on in my life that are nice to communicate to people in my “inner circle” but not people on the periphery of my life – so I defriended them. But I also talked to them and told them why. Some people were genuinely offended.

  2. Good for you – forget the haters, at any stage.

    When I used to get mad as a younger, more reactionary PK my dad told me something I’ll always remember: “the best revenge is living well”. You growing up and being successful is all it takes to overcome the bad memories of childhood – it’s sort of like, “hey, I didn’t need your support”.

    • Very true, though that’s such a long term thing that it’s often very tempting to exact revenge in a shorter term way of thinking.

  3. I always find it interesting how technology seems to have different rules from real life. You would never be friends with these people why would technology make it any different?

    • True. I guess I look at it that while I wouldn’t be friends, I also wouldn’t let them see into my personal life. Blocking them ensures that they will not be able to glimpse even the slightest thing about my life via Facebook.

  4. I keep my Facebook friends to a minimum, but I also barely use it. I don’t like sharing my life like that, but it’s nice to keep up with others once in a while. I was also bullied throughout school 🙁 college was infinitely better for the most part. I don’t think I’ve blocked anyone, but my profile is on super lockdown so not many people can find me.

    • Yeah, things definitely turned around in college where there are a lot fewer people that care to judge you or at least try to make you feel bad like it happens in high school.

  5. Good for you! I also make it a point to not just let anyone one into my life and share only personal details to people I could trust. Better not accept them than accept them only to unfriend them later on.

  6. It always amazes me how people will sometimes say things about others “online” that they would never say to them in person. If someone is giving you static online just block, delete, erase or forget them with quickness.

  7. I block a lot of people. Mostly people who I knew in high school but with whom I was not friends. Also, people who try to mess with me for their own self esteem or benefit. Unfortunately there are people out there that do that, as you’ve found out.

  8. I’m not a FB person heck I dont have one for myself or my site. I don’t really like being notified of everything going on with people. For the most part I would have a really short list of people. I like what Krantcents says, if I wouldn’t talk to them in person why would I talk to them on myspace, facebook, and twitter. I get most of the list but how did the babysitter try to take your confidence?

    • I felt horrible as a kid that she judged me and essentially threw me out of her house. That sticks with you when you’re 8 years old and trying your best.

  9. No doubt FB is a wonderful and glorious thing. But…maybe I’m totally retrograde, but to my mind it’s kind of creepy.

    I have a FB account because the choir has one and we all had to sign up to participate. I don’t check it often, and I posted as little as possible in my profile.

    The advertising is becoming way too aggressive for my taste — yesterday I was PO’ed to find an ad from Sur La Table shoved in my face, reflecting the Google search I’d done for teapots the day before. Highly resented!

    Fortunately the bullies and twits of my earlier life don’t know my present name and so are unlikely to try to “friend” me (ugh!). If any of them ever did, though, you can be sure I’d block them…for exactly the same reasons you describe. IMHO, you’re fully justified in doing so.

    • Ever since they went public the advertising has gotten pretty intrusive. I usually can filter it out either through my web browser or by ignoring it, but if they start going the route of pop ups and multimedia advertisements, that will be crossing the line.

  10. Generally I’ve found that people who were bullies in high school had the best times of their life in high school. I always knew it was not my time to shine and used it as a stepping stone to move on. I have had a few of the girls who made fun of me in high school want to friend me on facebook. No idea why. I haven’t seen them since high school graduation. I do tend to allow them to be friends because I’m morbidly curious about how their lives turned out. Usually, you can tell that they never moved on from the glory days of the early nineties or whenever you went to school. The ones I have blocked are employees or former employees. I don’t think work and personal should mix.

    • Good points. It amazes me when I see the couple of friends I have back from junior high, where you can see how many of the people there are all friends with each other. Maybe it’s because I didn’t like many of them, but I couldn’t imagine being friends with most of them for 25 years plus!

  11. Confidence is something that is developed over the years. And it can be taken away easily by some people who do not care about their actions towards others. I’ve blocked a few people also and mostly those I believed were never a true friend to me.

  12. I don’t really add a lot of people on Facebook. It’s amazing a lot of people can have thousands. I’ve blocked some people too for some reasons and good for you for doing so. There’s a block option for a reason and I’m going to make use of it.

  13. Love this post! We pick and choose the people we have in our real lives, so why wouldn’t we do it in our virtual lives as well? The only people I ever blocked were my ex and his girlfriend who were harassing me, but eventually I just deleted it all together. There’s a bunch of people I miss being in contact with, but I can always catch up with them on friends accounts if I really need to. My life is really a lot better without all the facebook stress.

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